This is it, eventually... Unfortunately...?
Real love. "Really impossible" love would be more appropriate, though.
This is a disaster.
An emotional massacre.
Oh, how I hate this!
And still love it at the same time. It drives me crazy.
I must admit that it had never ceased to be there. It always was. It will always be.
I should stop hoping that he might feel the same. Yet, there's no striking reason that I should give up on it. After all, he's my friend. One of my closest friends. No. Actually he is the closest friend I've ever had in my whole life. I've known him for over 2 years and now we know each other so well that I can't imagine living my life without him. On top of that, everything I do kinda reminds me of him.
It's distressing when you realise that you still didn't get over someone. Let's put it like this: fell in love with someone again. On 28th February, 2007 I understood that I was in love with my best friend J. And it was so hard to get rid of those unwanted "symptoms"... But I succeeded to stifle my feelings for him (which was a big mistake, to be honest). The months passed by and I was able to see him as a friend and not as a crush. We laughed together, cried together, experienced various crises, travelled together, you know... the usual stuff between friends. Platonic love on it's finest. And some weeks ago I woke up one morning to realise that those "symptoms" had returned out of the blue. They are only stronger than before, which is the worst, really. I'm completely helpless with this situation. I can feel that hope inside, although I know that it's in vain. He's my friend. Not my lover. I have to understand this. Once and for all...
"Love was not something to be felt, not a particular emotion, nor yet a particular shade of feeling, it was much more like a lowering curse on the horizon, a precursor of disaster."
The Age of Reason (by Jean-Paul SARTRE)
